Today, we’re going to be talking about bad relationships and what are the three most common causes of our bad relationships.

First Cause of Bad Relationship — Coaching

Often in our relationships, we feel that it is our job to coach, to fix, to assist, to tell someone how to live. We feel it’s our job to change them. And this is one of the most common and most FATAL things you can do to your relationship.

I learned this the hard way my friends. As a coach, of course, I want to see the best for my lovers and the best for my people I’m in a relationship with. However, coaching inside your relationship simply does not work. That goes for your friends and family as well.

Do NOT coach the people around you even if videos like this one and all the other ones that you’re probably watching are taking your consciousness to a higher level.

Do NOT coach people. If they ask questions, support them. But do not take it upon yourself to consciously coach people because as I’ve learned the hard way, it will inevitably CORRUPT your relationship with strange dynamics such as:

“Are we coaching right now or are we simply loving each other?”

“Are we OK with each other or, are you trying to FIX me?”

There’s this weird murkiness that happens. And so, you have to make a COMMITMENT to allow them to get the support they need and to love them UNCONDITIONALLY regardless of things you might notice or things you might have a desire to fix. It simply won’t serve you.

Second Cause of Bad Relationship — Finances

Now, the second way that we destroy our relationships is with money. You see, if there’s a foundational need for money below love, then, the love cannot flourish. Love and intimacy, if you look at Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs, is a higher order need than money which in our society actually equates to basic needs of food, water, clothing and sheltering. Basic needs are more important than love and intimacy.

So, if you’re having trouble getting enough money, being financially secured, your relationship is going to FAIL if you try to lay that relationship on top of a lack of basic resources.

Now, this is something that I’ve also experienced first-hand and here is what happens.

You’re struggling for money, or you recognize there’s a lack of money. Yet, you take the time anyway to go and hang out in the happy love bubble with your relationship.

But, while you’re hanging out in the happy love bubble, there’s this internal program running that says:

“Dude, you need money.”
“Hey chica, you don’t have enough money in the bank. What if you don’t have food tomorrow? What if you don’t have enough to drink? What if you can’t pay your bills…blah blah blah”

But you spend your time ignoring it in a happy love bubble and over time, what happens is there’s this INCONGRUENCE. There’s this incongruence with what your needs are and what the actions you’re taking are. Eventually, that will come through in either a lack of presence in the moment (you won’t actually be present to your relationship) or, you might take out those feelings of incongruence on your partner, not recognizing that YOU are the one who is making the choice to not handle your needs first and enjoy your love second.

You’ll end up being mad at them, being angry and being frustrated. But that’s only because YOU are the person who is not paying attention to what REALLY needs to be paid attention to.

Money is therefore the second thing that undermines relationships and will cause your next one to go wrong.

Third Cause of Bad Relationship — Boredom

Now, the third cause of a bad relationship that we’re going to talk about today is boredom. Really, what I mean is stagnation or lack of progress. A lot of people unfortunately think that the relationship is their life goal.

“Man, if I can just get that awesome husband.” or, “If I can just get that hot wife then, I’ve made it. My life is looking good.”

But your relationship can never be the focus of your life because the focus of your life is really INTERNAL. It’s about becoming your greatest self. Now, that can happen inside of a relationship but often what happens is people get into a relationship and stop growing or stop developing.

So, this is the third cause because a lot of people come together and their progress stops, and then, what they see looking back in the mirror or in everyday life is their partner. And they say:

“My life slowed down because of you. My life stopped because of you. This is happening because of YOU. You came into my life. Everything was going great. You came into my life and now things are going crappy.”